So, I’ve had an interesting journey lately (that I’m still on); one that I’ve had to come to grips with before I could share . . .
I was beginning to feel completely out of control. I finally gave in and called my nurse. She set up an appointment for me to see my OB/GYN. She was telling me that it's good that I was recognizing things early instead of waiting until it got really out of hand. I was thinking, "Can it get any worse!?" The thing that bothered me the most was my anger. Irritation turned instantly to anger, and the escalation would start. I couldn’t get away from it, and it seemed to be ruling my life (and I have never been an angry person).

I put together a list of my symptoms/concerns to discuss with my doctor:
• Things are getting out of control lately/Things are building
o Getting worse over the last few months
o Feels like PMS X10
o Not just a few days a month
 Most of the month
• Weight gain
• Trouble focusing
• Hot flashes/night sweats
• Exhaustion
• Sleeplessness (in general)
• Periods getting later--even on the pill
• Cholesterol elevated
• Irritability
o huge understatement
• Annoyance flares
• Anger flares
• Irrational
• I know I'm being irrational, but I can't do anything about it!
o Feeling Out of control!
Hmmmmm . . . did I leave anything out? Lol!

After conferencing for at least 20 minutes with my doctor (who I love), she prescribed a half-dose of Wellbutrin. I filled it right away—anything to make me start feeling normal again! When I returned to work I started researching Wellbutrin. Among other things, it is used as an anti-depressant. I had a hard time dealing with the idea of me being “depressed”. I started researching depression online and decided that I could fit into that diagnosis. But rather than feeling guilty/hopeless/worthless (like in classically depressed individuals), mine manifested through anger (considered an atypical symptom, but a symptom nonetheless).

I tried to take stock of my life and how I had fallen into this state, and came up with the conclusion that many factors combined and brought about this problem. Perimenopause, overall stress, and the devastating loss of a student to suicide were all major contributing factors.

So, now is my journey back from the edge of hell. (I realize that sounds overly-dramatic, but that is truly what it felt like sometimes.) Over the last three weeks I have become more myself. The anger has slipped away for the most part. I am more patient, and not as likely to rip heads from the shoulders of those that annoy me. I still don’t really sleep at night, and definitely need to find some energy source that I can’t currently tap. But I feel like I’m on the up-swing and will continually feel better.